Life is a gift, and every season of it is a chance to grow and learn. Blessings let us praise the Father, and trials let us cling to Him. The more journey’s and trials I go through, the more I understand how reliant I am on God. I will tell you about some of those journey’s……
Insecurity plagued me in my tweens. Wether the insecurity was about my body image, social anxiety, or perfectionism, it began to make me think very negatively about myself. I could be seen as my worst enemy. I set so much worth on how much I could get done, or achieved. I was always wondering if I was doing enough, and constantly critical of my body image. The truth was that nothing ever met my self imposed expectations.
I was so entangled in this rhythm of living, that it began to affect me in more ways than I knew. My self confidence depended on how much I crossed off my to do list, how comfortable I felt in my skin, and how well people approved of me. I was so hungry for people’s approval and feeling like I accomplished enough…it consumed me.
I was aware of my destructful ways, but had no idea what I needed to do to change. I prayed, I did talk to trusted adults, but boy are deep lies hard to uproot! Once you have lived believing lies, it is very difficult to break free from them! I felt trapped, and stuck. I began to wonder how I had become so self condemning and so insecure. One mistake or negative comment would send me into a whirlwind of negative self talk and despair.
Where did she go?
Where had the little carefree little girl I once was gone? The little girl who used to run through the woods, play in the mud, and splash in the creek? She was happy and took life as it came. She was free to be herself. I had lost this little girl somewhere along the way as I grew. As I took on more responsibility, I also took on fear and perfectionism. My expectations were set so high I was never satisfied with anything I did. Working hard is a wonderful trait as long as you learn to use it correctly. What I failed to realize is that I would never be perfect. God doesn’t call us to be perfect, He calls us to worship Him with humble hearts knowing He was perfect for us.
I had to realize in my heart God’s unconditional love and grace for me. He calls me His daughter, and knows my every flaw and weakness. He takes me under His wing and lifts me up. All of the heavy burdens and anxiety were all in vain.
It took this difficult season and a letter from my oldest nephew to help me truly grasp this truth to heart. God can use anything, including your little nephew to speak to you.♡
It was a busy season in my life, and I was feeling especially down and overwhelmed. I came home one especially hard evening and a yellow folder caught my eye. In it lay this precious letter from my 13 year old nephew! This was a perfect example of God showing up for you through someone else! I am a incredibly blessed auntie! We all need a brother or sister in Christ to catch us when we’re falling.
Two are better than one, because they have good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Ecclessiasties4:9-12
My struggles didn’t all dissappear in this one moment of reconciliation. I’m still in a spiritual battle, and I still have to stay on guard against the enemies attack. I still catch myself comparing myself to others and I still struggle with ever being satisfied with my own work. I am a work in progress. God is shaping me and pruning away my fears, anxieties and sins; and grafting in His fruits one day at a time. Each day is a new day to humble my heart before Him and ask for His guidance and strength. He is good.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it encouraged you in some way! “Insecurity In It’s Earliest Forms” is the first post of all sixteen to come on life lessons learned in my youth. Stay tuned!
~God bless!